Everything Is Alright
by Gurubiness
Summary: Everything Is Alright by Motion City Soundtrack Jin is going through a rough time, and has a lot of things going on. And even more so in the past. Touya just wants to talk to him, but Jin's a little busy... SLIGHT OOC, SLIGHT JXT Rated for drug use


_I just realized I haven't put up a story focusing on Jin yet. Odd. Well, here it is, on a whim, started directly after a hurricane! I waited for a while, though, for my counsellor to recommend meds. Finally got a good one, and she was going to send me an online test to see how neurotic "I" am, too! XD Yeah. Read and be merry. (Written to "Everything Is Alright" by Motion City Soundtrack.)_

"You okay, Toy?"

"I already told you I am, Jin."

"Are you SURE?"

"Yeah. Everything's all right."

"…Okay. Just worried about you."

"…On that note, there's something I've wanted to talk to you about that's been making things a little… well… not all right, to shoot for a pun."

_Give me a reason to end this discussion!_

I don't want to hear the rest! Whatever you're going to tell me, Touya, I know it has something to do with me. And whether good or bad, I just don't want to find out! I have no good reason to shoot off and avoid him to-day. Nothing that could be done; even the imaginary llama's been fed, through a very difficult, complicated and destructive process—I truly don't think my back will ever be the same.

In our house, everyone listens to each other, excluding Rinku, and Chuu, and Shishiwakamaru, and---…Let me rephrase this. In our house, everyone listens to each other when they feel like it, or if they can benefit from it. Well, I'm not conceited, and I've been taught that pride is a sin of sorts—Shinobi way, Touya's the same—so I really listen to people when they come to talk to me; and I talk back, too! But this is far different. It's always been the usual for me to listen, because I've been taught to do so (and I personally think I should simply because it's polite); I'm surprised if you can't tell just by looking at me! Everyone as far back as I can tell, in both all the sects I've been in and my family (long gone, might I add), have listened intently like I. Well, I'm breaking with that tradition, simply because I don't want to hear what Touya has to say, even though it'd probably help him if he told me. Yes, I think I've spent too much time with Shishiwaka and Suzuki, 'cause I'm listening only if I benefit from it, and I certainly will not benefit from what he's been trying to tell me (for three weeks, now). So I won't listen, just like everyone else.

I might even have to fold up, not talk to anyone and keep to myself, away from Touya, and Rinku, and Chuu, and Suzuki, and Shishiwakamaru. Divide from the group, y'know?

I have begun to not like the places where me and Touya have had so much fun. Because I'm afraid of him now. He's been posing the same thing at me for the past month! I don't and never have wanted to hear what the thing is, but still! I hate the ocean; we had fun there. I hate theme parks; had fun there. I hate aeroplanes, but that's not because of Touya. I hate talking with strangers and waiting in line, but those also aren't because of Touya either. I think these might be some reasons that I want to be reclusive like that, but I'm not sure how to explain it. Another reason is---

* * *

"You're done with them?"

"Yeah, man, I hate 'em. I like movin'! An' ah shouldn't pretend to be normal if I ain't! I'm through with 'em, totally, once and for all!"

"But… You…---"

"Nah, nah, I'm done. I can't stand sittin' around, all motionless an' the like. I just can't sit still!"

"But, the doct---"

"---Said I should try to be happier. So I am. I don't need 'em. I don't like bein' fake, 'cause I ain't no kid anymore, and I don't like playing pretend."

* * *

"Jin, are you feeling all right?"

"Yeah, I feel just fine…!"

"Jin, please don't walk away again…!"

"Sorry, I have to do something…?"

"There's nothing to do. Suzuki's cleaned the entire house from top to bottom: Look there, he's on the roof as we speak. You cleaned your bedroom yesterday, as well. Nothing's broken. …And I'm sorry to say that Rinku's and Suzuki's 'llama' has suffered from an imaginary heart attack, and has passed away. Come here."

"I have to go…!"

"Jin…! Is everything o-kay? You've been acting weird!"

_Don't follow me! Please! _

Cold, soapy water seeped over the stovetop, running over my hand as I pressed the sponge to the oven, scrubbing fiercely, but shakily. Touya, Damnit! Totally clean, the oven was now. I'd shot off, and he hadn't even tried to follow me; I'm very grateful I can fly right now, because if I couldn't, he'd've caught me. Turning around, my eyes fall on what? Touya, standing in the doorway, with a worried look on his face.

Door swung open, and I was out! But not without Touya on my heels. I felt his hand grab the back of my shirt. Up and out, without Touya (or any part of him) still clutching me. My heart must have been at googolplex beats per minute, I was so nervous. I'd already gotten one of my tasks of nervousness off the list too, so he must be doing a good job at keeping me nervous.

My fingers pressed against the rubber wheel. …No, it's not my car, but I ride in it, so all the same, I can check the tires. I turned 'round. Touya.

Up and out!

81…82…83…84….85…86…87…Touya…88…89…90…Touya…91… …….I tore my eyes from the tiled ceiling—Touya—and dashed out the door, up into my bedroom. I saw smoke curling from the kitchen door. I bet Chuu tried to cook something and the chemicals I used when I cleaned the stovetop weren't exactly non-flammable…

Pop. I've been trying. I really have. But it's hard. Especially to stop cold-turkey like this. Yes, self-medication's bad, but it's good for me, I say. Yes, it's technically illicit, and I shouldn't have any of what I have—Valium, Lexapro, Xanax, Celexa… et cetera—but I do, and nobody's gonna know; at least nobody who would really care. No one who doesn't actually do it themselves. Shishiwakamaru isn't on a single drug (surprise, surprise), nor is Suzuki (ha! Go figure), or Rinku, simply because he's a child. But Chuu uses self-medication, technically: Alcohol! And Touya is permitted medicine. Why am I not? I think Touya's medicine is for physical health… But if I'm not healthy, then I should take medicine for what's wrong with me, right? I'm mainly taking it 'cause I'm afraid of what will happen in the long run if I don't. I've found myself, as of late, more capable than I was at fighting against fate. I haven't done anything spectacular _yet_, but I have confidence in myself; I think I can change my future if I want to. And from right now, looking ahead, I would think I should want to.

* * *

"…"

"…"

"I think you're going to turn out A-Okay. I think you're going to be alright. Someday, you'll be fine."

"Am I not fine now?"

"…No."

"…"

"I'm sorry."

"Well, if ye say so! Yes, I'll be _just fine_!"

* * *

I was on the back porch. It was a nice summer day, really. I swung my legs over the short, narrow deck on which I sat, leaning back and staring up at the sky. I liked looking at the sky; I thought it was awful pretty. I was one of the lucky ones, if you think about it; I could go to the sky. Most can't, and it seems something really desired amongst the humans. 'I want to be as free as a bird' and whatnot. …I had a pet parakeet once: His name was Paul. (I once had a stuffed walrus named Paul, as well. I think I might fancy the name a bit.)

I heard the brush of the sliding door behind me as it opened. It got suddenly colder out; but only behind me. (Kinda spooky, huh? If there was a phone to ring that was near me, when I picked it up, either no one would be there—which has happened many times and isn't scary in the least—or someone would be breathing real heavy. Haha. Spooky!)

"Jin… Please don't run away… _please._"

It was Touya, of course. No, I actually thought for a second it would be the Easter Bunny. He's my stalker now, I say. Past two weeks.

I stayed. I didn't want to hear it, and I knew what he was going to say. Or at least I thought I knew.

"There's been a lot on my mind, Jin. I think I know what you've been up to, but I can't put my suspicions to rest unless I'm absolutely sure." He took out a small, cylindrical orange bottle. The contents rattled as he handed it to me. "Your name is on this bottle. It says—"

"Doxepin, 20 milligrams." I finished his thought.

"…Yes. What's—?"

"Neurosis. This one's prescribed."

"There are more?"

"Ritalin, 20 milligrams, and Prozac 15 milligrams."

"And they are prescribed to you?"

"Yes."

"And the ones that are not?"

"...Are not."

"…I see. I'd like to gain you're trust, Jin. You've been avoiding me for quite some time now. I cannot say why, but I wonder what has happened to you to make you like this."

"Different people have different ways of reacting to the same thing."

"…Jin, I think I—"

I need a reason to end this discussion. I wasn't about to know just yet. I stood. But to my dismay, he stood too.

"Jin, I've felt something about you since the moment I actually began to consider you a friend, but now is the only time that I realized what it was. I wasn't sure, but I've found myself housing a curious attraction and—"

"Touya." He paused and looked at me. My voice was stern, while his was wavering when he spoke just now. My gaze was hard, and his eyes were quivering, his face flustered. "…Shut up." I didn't believe anything he was saying, so I decided not to accept it. It was actually a rather cliché scene, the way he was about to 'confess his love for me.' Hah! What a load of crock! I was much better off alone, I had come to reckon, and as long as I could be reclusive, I would be.

* * *

"It's not so hard to be accepted. If you be who you are, there is at least one person out there who would comfort you."

"No one'd understand…"

"For every person, there's another just like them. They could've gone through the exact same thing as you. They could be closer than you think, and you don't even know it."

"…But it's hard for me to make friends."

"It's not so hard! Not if you try!"

"It's not so hard…?"

* * *

I was almost getting carried away with everything that had gone on to-day. (I had another trauma attack, too.) I recollected my life. It wasn't pretty. I almost got swept away by all the possible things Touya was going to talk to me about when I was thinking back. I had so many ideas, and I was eliminating them all, since I already knew what he was trying to tell me. He was trying to finish a complete thought, but until I was proclaimed the idealistic 'normal,' I don't think I would let him. I nearly told myself that everything he said to-day was all in my head.

* * *

"I think we're reaching a breaking point!"

"…We are?"

"Yes! Childhood was traumatic, and years afterwards, it seems. I've nearly figured you out, I think. If you only would tell me more…"

"On a scale of one to ten, where am I in being 'normal'?"

"I don't think I can answer that…"

"To me, being just as sane as most everyone else is real far off. When I first came into your office, let's say I was 'here.' Where am I now?"

"In-between. Keep on your meds."

* * *

I knocked. I waited for Touya to come out of his room. He hadn't been out since we last talked. When I wouldn't let him finish.

"Toy?"

I heard a shuffling behind the door.

* * *

"What do you mean, 'you're done?'"

"I dun wanna be a guinea pig, tryin' all this stuff on me, and just do what ye want me to! 'O, tell me about your childhood!' 'Tell me what light means to you, since you've spoken of it!' 'Tell me, tell me, tell me!' I don't feel feckin' comfortable tellin' ye! I'm done! If I can't be normal, so be it! I don't think it's all that possible for people to change, and if we can't, then there's no point trying to change us, and it's pointless to meddle with fate! If I'm crazy, then it's who I am and I accept that! I don't need to talk to anyone 'bout it! An' if I do, I would wish it to be someone I-" … "S-someone I love! So I'm done talking to you. If it's best for me to stay on the pills, I will agree to that, because frankly they help subdue attacks and such, but I don't want anymore sessions. I can vent to myself until I find the person I can tell will accept me. Until I really an' truly fall in love, 'kay?" … "I don't want to waste your time."

"…I believe you really are done. I believe you might be nearly out of 'in-between.' 'Here' is far behind you…"

"…"

* * *

"Tell me you're okay, Touya.

"'Hi, everything's great!'"

"…You bein' sarcastic?"

"No."

"…What'ye doin'?"

"Reading."

"Ah…"

"Are _you_ all right?"

"'Hey, everything's great!'"

"…Ha. Are you mocking me, or are you being serious?"

"A li'l of both."

He smiled.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, everything is all right…!"

When the lid to the rubbish bin was opened, one's eyes would meet a shock of orange bottles. The tire in the car went flat the other day. And the stove was far from clean. Rinku told me he couldn't count how many tiles there were in the ceiling, and I told him I couldn't count that high either.

-+-+-+-+-

"I got a phone call the other day."

"O? From whom?"

"My old therapist…"

"…What did they say, Jin?"

"Nothin', jus' checkin' up on me. Know how I greeted them when I saw the caller-ID?"

"No. How?"

"'Hey, everything's fine!'"

Touya smiled at me.

_HAH! It's done! It's done! It's five a.m., but it's done! Hahaha! A bit long, but still! I did it:hugs Motion City Soundtrack: Hurrah! Please review. Even though it wasn't that good… '''_


End file.
